Love and affection are emotions that can take two people and unite them in various forms. Falling in love can be an energetically charged experience filled with devotion, intimacy, and tenderness.
However, sometimes these dynamics shift from passionate to poisonous, and when burning love turns cold it’s best to know how to disentangle yourself from the venomous situation.
Aside from emotional detachment, there are legal forms of separation like removing a spouse from car insurance or closing joint accounts that need strategic planning for a clean break from a toxic relationship.
When our partners exhibit manipulative or abusive behavior, it is essential to know your legal rights to protect yourself and ensure protection for any invested assets made during the relationship.
When should you leave a toxic relationship?
When your partner begins exhibiting manipulative or abusive behavior, it’s time to take a step back to gain insight into the reality of your situation.
Re-evaluate the relationship and its purpose by reflecting on the time you spend with your partner. Take the time to think about how their behavior makes you feel and examine how they deal with the conflict in their life.
A list of questions to ask yourself while reflecting on your relationship and partner is:
- Do they speak poorly of individuals closest to them?
- Do they speak down or poorly about you?
- How frequently do they display signs of aggression?
- Do they seem to be in constant states of conflict with people in their lives or with you?
- In private, does it feel as if they use you as an emotional punching bag?
- Do you walk on eggshells because you’re afraid to upset them?
- Are they controlling?
- How willing are they to change this kind of behavior?
Toxicity comes in many forms, such as name-calling, lying, gossiping, blaming others, gaslighting, lying, being unapologetic, not admitting mistakes, refusing to deal with conflict, and even physically abusing people.
Truthfully, there are no easy solutions, but staying in a toxic relationship will cause long-term damage to your mental and emotional health. If you find yourself in this particular situation, you may need to set boundaries to protect yourself, your valuables, and your property.
How do I leave a toxic partner?
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, victims of toxic partners make an average of seven attempts to end the relationship before they do.
It is common to lose sight of who you are while enduring a partner’s narcissistic and abusive behavior. Love can be blinding, and the temporary spells of happiness might seem like enough promise to stay in a troubled relationship, but it’s not.
Seek help from friends, family, and professionals for communal support and safety. When reaching out to your support groups, it’s important to express your feelings in a safe place where the difficulties and severity of the circumstance are recognized.
Surround yourself with as much positivity as possible and stand firm with your decision. Prepare to take these steps to guard your well-being.
Step #1 – Prepare for Change
Plan for safety by making a list of all dependable people. Create a safe word and share it with this group in case of any emergencies. Finding a therapist who can advocate for you through the process and help you establish a support group will aid in the psychological journey.
Develop your autonomy by creating a life away from your relationship with activities and people that bring you joy. By re-learning how to value yourself and honoring your truths, needs, and feelings, you will begin to rebuild your self-esteem.
Learning how to be assertive and set firm boundaries takes time and practice. Establishing these and more self-love practices will lead you to honor those boundaries by encouraging self-discipline and commitment to yourself.
Step #2 – Prepare for Legal Protection
Suppose you are concerned that your partner may react violently or may continue to harass you after the breakup. If so, you may need to file an order of protection. You can contact your local authorities or an attorney for instructions on obtaining a temporary or permanent restraining order issued by a court.
Enable a plan to protect your physical assets and secure valuable items of personal property. Anything such as art, clothes, heirlooms, or jewelry should be in your possession if your partner may try to sell, ruin, or take them.
Most importantly, organize financial documents like deeds, business records, insurance policies, credit card information, tax returns, investment records, your will, or any joint finances. While you are still planning to leave, avoid spending money or creating new financial ventures with your partner for an easier split.
Make a list of all essential bills necessary to continue payments after your departure and immediately close all other accounts. It may seem strange, but depending on whose name is on the property, continue paying anything you did before if you wish to have rights to any physical assets.
When you discontinue payments on a home or car, your partner could claim that you’ve abandoned these possessions and legally obtain your property. Continuing to pay your share of expenses, regardless of whose name it’s in, can be proof of a common-law marriage.
Most of the time, there are no pre-written agreements for children, pets, or assets so research the laws within your state regarding rights to anything you need.
An experienced family law specialist can help with changes in your family. If physical abuse has been involved, professionals do not recommend in-person mediations. You can send an insurance representative in your place as well as your attorney to advocate on your behalf.
Should I leave my toxic relationship?
The need to ask yourself this question is an answer in itself. Not being manipulated to stay is why having an organized exit plan is critical and cannot be stressed enough.
Relationships can consume a vast amount of our mental and emotional space, and when they’re unstable, can cause immeasurable pain. Toxic relationships create traumas inside the body and mind that leave victims in a troubled state, causing mental and emotional disorders that deepen over time.
Most victims fear the conflict that trying to leave their relationship will cause, but staying in them only results in severe inner conflict. Anger, depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are expected after ending a toxic relationship.
Letting Go and Loving Yourself
Relationships are meant to grow with you. Learning healthy ways to deal with and resolve conflict in romantic and non-romantic relationships will help you establish beneficial forms of communication.
In a healthy partnership, you both should feel important and prioritized by each other. Although conflict is natural, your feelings, thoughts, and concerns should not be trivialized or intentionally misunderstood.
Information is powerful enough to enlighten the “aha!” moment to regain control or independence. Knowing who we are is a life skill that reinforces our self-integrity and insulates us from toxic and selfish behaviors.
Your identity is always evolving, and a happier, healthier you is waiting on the other side of your relationship.
Danielle Beck-Hunter writes and researches for the auto insurance comparison site, 4AutoInsuranceQuote.com. Danielle has first-hand experience with toxic relationships and now helps others recognize and avoid unhealthy relationships.
